10 things Fang must never do
by CrashPilot18
Summary: The title kinda explains it, so i won't go in detail. I'm really sure if it is funny-everyone has different tastes. Enjoy!


**I don't own the characters, James Patterson does.**

**This is kind of weird in a way, but I wanted to do something different.**

**Enjoy!!!**

**10 Things Fang must never do**

One.

Paint little flowers and hearts on Max's face while she's sleeping.

_(Because he would die a very painful and horrible death)_

Two.

Pretend to be gay with Iggy in a public place.

_(Because that would just be too humiliating to even think about)_

Three.

Read Little Red Riding Hood to Gazzy and force him to recite it until he knows it off by heart and can sing it backwards to Max at the top of his voice over and over again.

_(Because Max would take it out on Gazzy, then both Gazzy and Max would take it out on Fang.)_

Four.

Post pictures of the other Flock members, mostly Max, after they've just woken up on his blog.

_(Because that would give him a bad name, making everyone think that he lives with some sort of deranged headcase.)_

Five.

Constantly move things from under Iggy's fingertips, then laugh when Max gets thumped instead of him.

_(Because not only will Iggy get him, Max would kill him in his sleep, if he ever managed to sleep again after Iggy's had him anyway.)_

Six.

Buy Max a bunch of flowers with a dozen bees hidden away inside them.

_(Because that would be so suspicious of Fang to buy flowers for Max unconditionally she wouldn't go anywhere near them.)_

Seven.

Hide in a tree in a public place and whisper 'I'm the voice in Max's head' at whoever walks past.

_(Because Max would smear him into the inside of an oil barrel and throw him into the ocean.)_

Eight.

Tape a huge picture of an Ester on Max's mirror in the night, then hide in the cupboard and laugh at her when she finds it in the morning.

_(Because he'd die so painfully and so horrifically that it's to upsetting to write here. I care for my readers too you know!!!)_

Nine.

Lay on the table, while invisible, and wait until Max goes to put down her plate of breakfast/dinner/lunch to become visible.

_(Because that could end with Fang cleaning all the mess up, and every mess Max make's anywhere in the house, including the toilet. And that would cramp Fang's style….*laughs*)_

Ten.

Paint pictures (Fairies, unicorns, bull's eyes, smiley faces, Max's name, etc) on his rear end and moon everyone and everything that happens to walk/fly/crawl/drive past, with a picture of Max's face taped to his head as a mask.

_(Because that would be something so stupid, unmentionable, hideously terrifying that it's something only I'd do….*Laughs* Not really. I had you there didn't I!? Didn't I? *Sobs* that would be something so stupid, unmentionable, hideously terrifying that it would put everything that happened to even get a glace of this horrible picture they would surly die. Or end up as a vegetable that has to crap into a little bag, or end up as a doorstop, or end up so demented that the staff at the mental hospital had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted and then those staff had to be admitted …..you get it. Or so horrible that Max herself was completely speechless for once in her life and had to actually kill someone, cut their face off their body, sew it onto her own face and only _then_ could she go out in public. Specking of being admitted……)_

**So, it's not the funniest thing you've ever read, but it works for me….and those people who are hard up for entertainment, or someone with a twisted sense of humour, or someone with a demented parrot that is really depressed and needs to read some human bull crap and a glass of whiskey, or someone that needs the retarded author of this crap to shut the fudge up and stop writing this rubbish because it's pointless and no one is actually going to read the rubbish she puts on here.**

**The End!!**

**If you ****did ****actually like it, please leave a review, because I would be VERY surprised.**

**The End!!! (For real)**


End file.
